The Forms of Patriarchy

When people, especially feminists, talk about patriarchy, they tend to see it as all or nothing. Either men are in charge or we’re not, but when you start to challenge that assumption it starts to crumble quite quickly. After all, when was the last time you heard of a man make a decision without giving even the slightest consideration to his wife’s opinion.

What is Patriarchy?

The simplest and most general definition of patriarchy is leadership by men. Any case in which a man gets any degree of power from his gender is patriarchy, whether as isolated as a date or as widespread and long lasting as the papacy. Patriarchy can be absolute or it can complement democracy or matriarchy.

A man having power isn’t necessarily patriarchy. Sometimes a man gets power from something independent of his gender. A senior military officer is chosen for his skill as a commander, which doesn’t preclude women. A man drives his car on a date because it’s his car. Even on a date, a man’s power usually comes from having planned the date, not from being the man.

Oppressive Patriarchy

As you likely guessed, I’m starting with a form of patriarchy I completely oppose. Fortunately, it’s also been the exception throughout history right up to the present day. Oppressive patriarchy is the entirely misogynistic form of patriarchy. This is where ideas like “women are property” and “all women are weak” can be found. Oppressive patriarchs treat women as servants, ignoring their interests. When women are seen as being of less general worth than men, oppressive patriarchy is at work.

The irony is, feminism is encouraging the type of oppressive patriarchy it claims to be fighting.

Strict Patriarchy

A crucial step removed from oppressive patriarchy, strict patriarchy is the belief that men must never be lead by women. Women are still valued but there a choices that people are denied. In isolated cases it works well but when implemented on a societal scale it tends to become oppressive.

Assumed Patriarchy

Assumed patriarchy is the  good form. It really has no down side. When patriarchy is assumed, women can have any power or position when it’s justified, but power goes to men otherwise. There’s no reason that a woman that supports assumed patriarchy couldn’t pursue a career, it just means that deviating from the patriarchal roles would mean she expects to be treated as the exception. This is the philosophy of a good head of household, or any man with a healthy idea of gender for that matter.

This may not be the most actionable of information but it does give you a better understanding of how men and women might interact than what you might learn elsewhere. One last thing to keep in mind; matriarchy could take the same form but the evidence seems to indicate that matriarchy on a societal level would be disastrous. If you only take one point away from this article, it should be this; patriarchy can be respectful of a woman’s right to choose and can see a woman as having enormous value. So, assume patriarchy, deviate when appropriate, and never look down on those that follow it. 


Is Diversity Good or Bad?

Diversity is one facet of life where people tend to just accept what they’ve been told without examining the situation for themselves. Modern society says diversity is good so people just accept that. But is it good?

To discuss diversity, we must define diversity. Diversity is when there’s more variety within a group than a group that size would inherently have. For example, a group of one hundred white Christian men would have a variety because it’s one hundred individuals, but adding women, Muslims, and Asians would make that group diverse because no group would inherently have that composition.

The Benefit of Diversity 

There is one form of diversity that inevitably flows from all others; diversity of ideas. When we’re presented with a wider variety of ideas, we evaluate them more carefully and come to better decisions. Why does demographic diversity create diversity of ideas? Simple, ideas are formed through the guidance of personal experiences, and everyone’s personal experiences are different. The extent to which personal experience varies proportionally with the difference in demographics. Two rich white men will have very similar experiences and thus ideas, but change even one of those descriptors and their experiences and ideas massively diverge. 

The Problem with Diversity 

Diversity breeds conflict. No matter where a difference comes from, it can give rise to serious conflicts. Wars have been fought over these differences. Conflicts may come from prejudice or reasonable differences of opinion, and they may be rational debates or outright brawls, but conflict is likely to arise in a diverse environment. On the other hand, nobody ever fights because they agree and less diversity means more agreement. 

Natural vs. Artificial Diversity

This is something that seems to rarely come up, why diversity does or does not exist. Natural diversity is diversity that arises because nothing’s preventing it, artificial diversity is when it’s created intentionally. Natural diversity is more likely to bring about a healthy diversity of ideas and less conflict, but artificial diversity is the opposite. 


Is diversity good or bad? Yes. What? It’s not whether or not diversity exists that matters, it’s why. Natural diversity is good and artificial diversity is bad. The same goes for homogeneity. We shouldn’t be actively pursuing diversity but we shouldn’t be fighting it either. When it happens, awesome. When it doesn’t happen, that’s fine too. 

Hosting a Poker Night

Four playing cards and a cigar.

The essential equipment of a poker night.

The quintessential manly social event is the poker night. There’s gambling, booze, and rarely a feminine influence. Even better, it’s based around an activity rather than just socialising. I’m not going to get into how to play again. This time I’m going to talk about hosting the game. A poker night is a type of party and all the usual hosting etiquette applies.

The Simple Points

A poker night should be a casual affair centred entirely on the game. It’s one of the few parties where a t-shirt is undeniably appropriate. There’s no guest of or theme, it’s all about the poker. So, there shouldn’t be any other entertainment either. You don’t have to lay any money on the line if you don’t want, it’s perfectly acceptable to just play for fun.

Guest List

If you have regular poker nights then your guest list is predetermined, just invite the same guys as last time. If this is the first time, or even if your poker nights are few and far between, choosing who to invite is a harder choice. It’s best if everyone plays on the same level, but you don’t want to freeze out the rookies either. The hardest part is whittling it down. You’ll typically have no more than eight people playing each hand, so inviting more people means either splitting up to play multiple simultaneous games or people are forced to sit out. I’d say you should look to have eight players or however many can play at your table, whichever’s less.

Game Space

Obviously, you need a place to play. The best is a dedicated poker table in a room that’s decorated for such activities. If that’s not viable, you can use your dining room table, but not the kitchen. Besides your usual hosting duties, you’re also responsible for providing the cards and chips.


Poker night is the time for the pub food. Chicken wings, nachos, and various deep fried appetizers are perfect fare for the occasion. This is also the time to break out the craft beer and your best scotch. If you don’t feel comfortable mixing drinks while you’re trying to play, don’t feel you have to. You’ll also want to either make sure serving food doesn’t take you away from the table too much, or get some help. If you get help, ask someone you live with or is also playing.


Cigars are a traditional part of the poker night, but you may not want to do any smoking. If you’re using a room you wouldn’t smoke in otherwise, then skip them. Same if anyone there doesn’t want to be around that. They have a right to clean air, you don’t have the right to smoke. If you decide to include cigars, you need to provide ashtrays. You can either provide decent quality cigars yourself, or expect everyone to bring their own. If you do provide them, one per person is plenty. Its important enough to reiterate, don’t force anyone to be around smoking or exclude anyone because they want clean air.

Being a Responsible Pet Owner

A cowboy with his faithful animal companions, a dog and a horse.Pets are wonderful. They can be companions, protectors, and servants. Domestic animals have been making human lives easier for millennia and there’s been a plethora of research in that time that’s shown the emotional benefits of having animal companions. Yet, it seems fewer and fewer people know how to be responsible when it comes to our furry little friends. I’ll start with the most important point.

Pets Aren’t Children

We love our pets, and we’ll we should. I love animals myself, although I only see dogs and horses as warranting an emotional bond. One thing that many don’t seem to understand is that no matter how much you love them, they shouldn’t be treated the same as children. Human children are incapable of functioning independently, but animals can. They also won’t care if you by them a gift or anything like that. Animals don’t think like children so they won’t respond like children either.

Know When to Leave Them at Home

Animals don’t understand human culture. They won’t feel left out if you don’t bring them along. If you do bring them, they’ll likely only notice the inconvenience of it. On the other hand, animals are a lot like us. They don’t like heat or rain, or any other kind of unpleasant weather. They’d rather go home and sleep than walk around on the hot streets. You’re often the only one getting anything out of bring your pet. Your pet and the other people around probably hate that they’re there. If you have to leave them in the car, leave them at home instead. Also, exclude them from any activity that wouldn’t be enjoyable to them, given they’re limited intellect. You wouldn’t take your newborn baby to the opera, would you?

Train Them

What that means may vary, but every pet needs to be trained. If you don’t train your pet, it’ll end up being a nuisance and may even destroy your home. In the most extreme cases, an untrained pet becomes a threat to the safety of every one of your guests. A veterinarian should be able to help you find the help you need in training your pets but you can also find numerous books on the subject in your local library or bookstore.

Find a Vet

There’s no way to keep your pet healthy without a veterinarian. Your vet can help you diagnose any health problems your pet may have and give you excellent advice to prevent them. When your vet gives you advice, take it to heart. You don’t necessarily need to follow it, but you do need to give it due consideration.

Feed Them Properly

Again, what that means varies but it’s not hard to figure out. Once again, your vet will have some excellent advice but any commercially available food is adequate. Feeding your pets is much like feeding your children, you can feed them adequately or well. Foods with more natural ingredients are better, as well as foods that more closely parallel the diets they’d eat in the wild. You don’t have to buy the most expensive food you can find, but don’t feed them the cheapest either. If you really want, you or your wife can even make your own pet food but that’s usually only worthwhile for more typically farm animals.

Put People First

This is similar to my first point, but it is distinct. When the interests of the people in your life conflict with the interests of your pet, do what’s best for the people. For example, if you’re worried about what your dog will do to your upcoming baby, give the dog away to another loving family.

Give Your Pets Their Space

What they need varies, but every pet needs to have some kind of space where they can retreat from whatever stresses them. Animal psychology is very simple and so are their comforts. Just having a place to go that’s soft and secure can make an animal feel safe. Even better is if that space is a transport crate of some form, so they can enjoy the benefits of it during the stress of travel. After all, an animal could never understand the concept of a vehicle.

Pay Attention to Your Pets

This one should be obvious, but your pets need your love and attention. They’ll tend to become increasingly troublesome if you neglect them, and they’re health will decline as well. If you can’t give your pets the attention they crave, give them to someone who can.

Keep Them Under Control

As I said already, animals don’t understand the human world. They don’t know how to keep themselves safe. Somehow people think they need to hold their six year old’s hand but their dog can run free. Also, it’s illegal in most places to not have physical control of your pets, and nobody should have to feel unsafe because an unfamiliar dog might attack them. For the safety of your pets and the general public, keep them on a leash or locked up. It’s what your pet would prefer anyway.

The Basics of Hockey

Hockey is the ubiquitous Canadian, with nearly every Canadian having played some form of it. Since it was invented here, to make are long frigid winters tolerable, it’s spread around the world. Hockey is an extraordinarily manly sport, combining brute force and finesse. One article couldn’t possibly teach you enough to play on the level of Gordie Howe, ‘Rocket’ Richard, or the Great One himself, but it should be enough for you to join a pickup game or start looking for a rec league.

The Rink

Like any other sport, you need a place to play hockey. The basic forms of hockey are floor hockey, street hockey, and ice hockey, differentiated by where they’re.

Ice hockey is played on an ice surface, either an intentional rink or a similar size area of natural ice. Intentional rinks can range from a simple backyard rink to a state of the art arena. A typical hockey rink is a rounded rectangle, about twice as long as it is wide, although the precise dimensions can vary. 

Floor hockey is typically played in a gymnasium, using the entire room with only spectator areas being out of play. 

Street hockey is played on driveways or public roads, with the width of the road defining the size of the play area. For safety reasons, the “car rule” is almost universally used. Any time a player or spectator notices traffic approaching the game they’re expected to yell “car” and the players and equipment move to the side of the road until the traffic clears. It’s also generally accepted driving etiquette in Canada to never drive through a street hockey game but rather wait patiently for the to clear out, for the same reason. 

All hockey venues include a relatively small goal net near each end, that’s only open on the side facing towards the opposite end. Intentional rinks will often have boards around the perimeter to create a barrier to help contain both players and the puck or ball. The best rinks have markings painted on the ice. The purpose of these markings is to allow greater objectivity in applying the rules, but for casual play it’s adequate to estimate where they would be. 

The rink is divided into three “zones.” The attacking zone, the neutral zone, and the defending zone. The attacking and defending zones are defined relative to each team. There are also goal lines that mark the behind the net area. One special area on the ice is the goal crease. This is an area immediately in front of the net in which only the goalie may be. 

The Team

The total size of a hockey team varies, but there’s never more than six players per team on the ice;

  • 3 Forwards – primary offensive players
  • Centre – the forward primarily responsible for face-offs
  • 2 Defencemen – primarily tasked with preventing the opposing team from shooting
  • Goaltender or Goalie- the goals last line of defence

Players may substitute at any point during the game, not just stoppages in play. 


Shared Equipment

One puck or ball and two nets must be on the ice at all times. 

A puck is a hard rubber disc about 3 inches in diameter and 1 inch thick. A hockey ball is about the same diameter as a puck but made of softer rubber. 

The open side of a typical goal net is 6 foot wide and 4 foot high. The closed side extends back just far enough to keep it stable, even when catching pucks and being hit by players. It’s also common to secure the net in place with pegs fitted into the ice. 

Personal Equipment

The only personal equipment that’s essential for all forms of hockey is the stick. If you’ve never seen a hockey stick, they’re long with a flat blade at one end. The stick is held with the player’s off-hand nears he end opposite the blade and and the strong hand half to three-quarters of the way down the shaft. Goalies use a different stick, designed to be held in one hand and effectively block shots. In both cases, the blade is the main way players manipulate the puck. 

Ice hockey also requires skates, for obvious reasons. Any skates will work, but the best choice is high quality hockey skates. 

Pads are also a good idea, to protect players from the brutality of the sport, and the hard puck. Goalie pads also help him to more easily stop shots, and even catch the puck in mid-air. 

In formal games, team uniforms are nearly ubiquitous. 


The rules of hockey are intended to limit the brutality.  While hockey is a full-contact sport, there is only one way players may come into contact while playing, the bodycheck. A bodycheck is an intentional collision between players meant to break an opposing player’s control of the puck. To be legal, a check be centred on the players’ torsos and may not involve either player’s stick or the target player’s back. 

Two types of penalties are typically used in hockey; the power play and the penalty shot. Most infractions result in a power play, when a player is removed from the game temporarily and his team is forced to play shorthanded. If the infraction prevents a player from scoring a goal, he gets a penalty shot. A penalty shot is an attempt to score a goal with only the opposing goalie to interfere. 

The power play is when one team is forced to play with fewer than six players on the ice, giving an advantage to their opponents. Power plays typically last Two or five minutes, with consecutive power plays being possible. It’s also common for a power play to end once a goal is scored. 


Hockey has the simplest possible scoring. Each time the puck passes through the opening in the net, a point is scored. For that reason, points are called “goals” in hockey. It’s also common to track scores for individual players. Players can score “goals” and “assists.” A goal is awarded to the last player to have control of the puck, if giving up control scores a goal (ie. he shot it). An assist is awarded to a player who didn’t actually shoot the puck but played a pivotal role in scoring a goal anyway. 


The head official in a hockey game is the referee. His job is to call penalties and goals. He’s typically assisted by one or two linesmen. Their job is to make calls related to the lines on the ice, except for goals. It’s also common to have a second referee on the ice and, in serious play, off-ice officials are also common, to help keep calls objective. 


Now down to brass tacks. How do you actually play hockey? To start with, hockey typically consist of three “periods.” On a professional or Olympic level, they’re twenty minutes long with five minute intermissions between them. Shorter periods are also common, to accommodate the limits of the players’ age and skill. Only time spent actively playing is counted towards the length of the period. 


Play begins and resumes with a face-off. The two teams line up, facing each other, with the forwards in front and the defencemen in back. An official then drops the puck in one of nine locations on the ice, determined in advance. After goals and at the beginning of each period the centre face-off position is always used. Otherwise, they use whichever position will resume play in the most fair possible manner.


I’ve been talking about stoppage in play quite a bit, but now I’ll go into detail. Along with goals, periods, time-outs, and at the referee’s discretion, there are four things that can stop play.

The first is rather obvious. If the puck leaves the ice play is stopped. If the puck would have left the ice but stayed because of nets or cages put in place to protect spectators or rink-side facilities, it still stops play. 

Play can also be stopped for an “icing” call. Icing is when the puck travels from the defending zone past the opposite goal line, but not into the net. “Offside” is a similar call. Offside is called when the puck is passed into the attacking zone. 

The last thing that can stop play is a goalie. Immediately after making a save, that is stopping a shot, the goalie must either return the puck into play or “cover it up.” Usually covering it up means literally covering the puck with his glove, and then a face-off takes place at one the positions in his defending zone.


It’s quite common for he rules to not allow a tie after the regular periods. There are two ways to resolve a tie, overtime and shootouts. Overtime is simply continuing play. A shootout is when both teams get an equal number of penalty shots and then the team with the highest score wins. The “sudden death” variant is also common. In sudden death, the game ends as soon as a winner can fairly be declared, regardless of how much longer play could’ve continued. Any combination can be used,  it sudden death must be last.

Shooting Terms

There are few terms that are unique to hockey, and relate to shooting, that every player should know;

  • Deke – when’s a player moves his stick as though he’s shooting but does not
  • Wrist shot – a shot with little to know wind up or follow through, used when precision is needed
  • Slap shot – a powerful shot with significant wind up and follow through
  • One-timer – whe. A player receiving a pass shoots without first gaining control of the puck

Getting Involved

If you want to play hockey, you have the same three options as with most sports: pickup games, leagues, and tournaments. If you have a few friends and a place to play, you can play a pickup game. If you want to join a league, contact your local arena or recreation office and ask about “red leagues” and they’ll direct you to the league administrator or  the manager of a team seeking new players. If you want to play in a tournament, watch for notices wherever they may be posted in your community and follow the instructions. 

For the Ladies: Dressing for a Date

Something that baffles me about the world of women’s fashion is how little voice straight men get. What’s even more ridiculous is that gay men are seen as experts, despite being incapable of having insight into the aesthetics or comfort of women’s clothes. Usually it just means men won’t like how they dress and it’s not a problem, but on a date the exact opposite is true. When you’re on a date, you’re selling yourself, you want him to like you. Obviously, nobody knows better what men like to see than men. I’m going to give you a few points to think about, some tips, and even end off with some suggested outfits. I’ve written about what men like to see but this will be assuming you’re looking to have him be interested in marrying you. 

What Has He Told You?

What he’s told about his plans for your date and his preferences for women’s clothes can tell you a lot. Always dress appropriately for whatever activities he has planned, even if that would go against any of the other “rules” for dating attire. Also, feel free to ask him if it matters how you dress. If it does, he’ll tell you. 

Be Yourself

You may be selling yourself, but you’re not a used car salesman. Don’t dress in any manner that you would consider inappropriate or weird. If you would have to cease being yourself to be his wife or girlfriend, then he’s probably not the guy for you.

The most important point here is that you have to dress for the body you have. Your goal is to accentuate your natural beauty, not create false beauty. Chances are, that’s well within your abilities. If that’s not good enough for him it could be the kick in the pants you need to lose some weight, but most likely he’s just a jerk that’s really just looking for a living sex toy.

Try For Sexy, Not Slutty

Sex is an inherent part of dating. No matter what he says or wonderful a guy his is, staying with him means spending quite a bit of time in bed with him. On the other hand, any real man wants a woman who brings more to the table than just sensuality. You’ll need to walk the fine between sexy and slutty. Showing some cleavage and leg is a good idea but don’t take either too far.

There are easy rules of thumb to know if you’re dressed too slutty or sexy enough. You look sexy if he’d accept an invitation to your bed, if looks are all he’s considering. You look slutty if you wouldn’t want your father to see you. 

Go Easy on the Makeup

One of the quickest ways to go from sexy to slutty is to overdo your makeup. The pint of makeup is, once again, to accentuate your natural beauty. You want to draw his attention to your face’s best features and away from your flaws, assuming you have any. If you did your makeup perfectly, he won’t be sure you aren’t so naturally beautiful that you don’t have need of makeup. 

Wear a Skirt

Here’s where we get into the practical advice. Any man worth having, is looking for femininity, and there’s nothing more feminine than the skirt. Even so, it’s fine to wear pants if the activity calls for it or you’d never wear a skirt otherwise, given a reasonable option. It doesn’t matter what kind of skirt it is, or even whether it’s part of a dress or just a skirt worn with a nice top. Personally, I think a nice dress is the best way to go. 

Dress Nice

People tend to pay particularly close attention to how they dress for job interviews, and when think about dating is essentially the same situation. The only differences are that it’s the most important job of your life, and there’s no chance for retirement, resignation, or dismissal. You’re trying to convince him that you should be his wife and the mother of his children, you should dress appropriately, considering something so important is at stake. 

This is the time to break out one of your nicest dresses. Go ahead and wear those earrings you never get to. You’ve found yourself in the only situation where your looks should be of crucial importance. 

Do You Need a Purse?

When you’re on a date, you may not need a purse. As long as he’s taking you out, you won’t need to bring any money or your debit card. You shouldn’t be using your phone on a date. I don’t know what you carry in your purse, but there’s a good chance you won’t need any of it, so a purse is just something to carry around. 

Some Suggested Outfits

I can’t tell you exactly how you should dress, but these are some excellent options for a nice but modest dinner, or other classy date. 

In Warm Weather

Wear a light sleeveless dress, something with a more flowing skirt. Pair that with some high heel or wedge sandals and a sun hat. 

In Cool Weather

When the weather gets a little bit colder, you’ll want to switch to a heavy fabric for your dress, and maybe add sleeves. You’ll also want to add a light jacket. It’s also a good time to break out those tall black boots every woman seems to have, especially if they have a bit of a heel. 

In Cold Weather

When it gets cold out, you definitely want to wear tights or stockings. Closed toe shoes are also a good idea, especially if there’s snow on the ground. Choose a heavier coat and a dress that won’t be crushed by it. As tempting as it may be, don’t wear any sort of hat that’ll mess up your hair. Keeping warm shouldn’t be a problem. If he’s worth having, he’ll try to keep things indoors when anything more than tights and sleeves are needed to be comfortable outdoors. 

How to Drive Stick

Manual transmission vehicles are more efficient, cheaper to produce, and put the driver in full control, and best of all are way more fun to drive. Yet, a large number of men now have know idea how. I’m going to teach you how to in theory, but you’re going to need to practice too. 

Disclaimer: I’m operating on the assumption that you’ll be driving a typical North American car. You may find slight differences in other countries. 

Getting In

When you first get into a manual transmission vehicle you’ll notice two major differences; the shifter and the pedals. A stick shift has a third pedal to the left of the other two which controls the clutch. The clutch is a mechanism positioned between the engine and transmission that allows the energy flow through the powertrain, and functionally puts the car in neutral. The shifter is typically a metal stick protruding from the floor or centre console with a ball on the end. The shift pattern, the pattern of movement needed to select gears, is usually printed or engraved on the top of the shifter. 

Typical 5-speed shift pattern.

To start the car, you’ll need to depress the clutch pedal before you turn the key. That’s a safety feature so the car won’t accidentally lurch forward. It’s a good idea to check that the car’s in neutral, especially if you’re not the only driver. If it moves to both sides easily, it’s in neutral. You’ll also want to check the tachometer, which shows engine speed, if you’ve never drive that specific car before. Whatever it reads now is the lowest you ever want it to until you’re parked again, probably 500 to 1000 rpm.


Getting Moving

Before you start driving you’ll probably need to release the parking brake. Most auto drivers know how to work a parking brake but don’t use, so tend to forget about them. Getting moving from a dead stop requires careful pedal control and excellent situational awareness. Start by depressing the clutch and putting the shifter into first, then comes the hard part. You’ll need to gradually release the clutch and gently press the gas  at the same time. If you can’t keep the engine speed at or above an idle, release the gas and depress the clutch then try again. When you feel the clutch “catch,” release the clutch entirely. Until the clutch catches it’ll feel a little like you’re trying to drive through molasses.


You can’t keep your car in first forever at several points you’ll need to shift. Again, pedal control is key. You’ll need to move though the following steps as quickly as you can:

  1. Release the gas
  2. Depress the clutch 
  3. Move the shifter into the desired gear
  4. Release the clutch 
  5. Hit the gas

How hard you hit the gas depends on the situation. If you’re shifting into a higher gear you probably want to hit the gas fairly hard, but if you’re shifting down you’ll need a lighter touch. There’s also a technique called “engine braking” but that should wait until you have some more practice. 

Unfortunately, I can’t give you much help with when to shift, every car is different. A lower gear will give better acceleration and torque, but a higher gear will give better fuel economy and speed.

Stopping & Parking

The brakes do the same job regardless of what kind of transmission you have but, once you reach the point of stopping, stick shifts are a little different. You need to either depress the clutch or shift into neutral before you try to stop, or your engine will stall. If you depress the clutch by the time you get down to about 10 km/h, you should be fine. Personally, I usually shift into neutral anytime I’m slowing to stop or expect to need a lower gear when I hit the gas again. 

The only thing you need to remember when parking a stick is that there’s no park gear. You’ll need to leave it in gear, fully engage the parking brake, or both.

A Couple Final Points

There are some things you’ll need to know that aren’t really instructions. First, you will stall, there’s no way around it. Just restart the engine and keep trying. Second, if it doesn’t want to go into gear, just release the clutch and put it back in, that’s called “double clutching” and it should help. 

Finally, if you hear a grinding or squealing when you try to shift, for the love of all that’s good and holy, stop trying. You’re doing irreparable damage to the transmission, which can cost thousands of dollars to replace. Just leave the shifter in neutral, double clutch, and try again.