These days people tend to think of weddings as being for the bride. That’s something that’s always bothered me. If anything, getting down the aisle is more impressive for men, seeing as how good women are in such short supply and we’re expected to be the ones who make the moves. It’s not right that we become little more than an accessory on the day that’s supposed to mark one of the most important events of our lives. I’m going to offer you some tips to help make your wedding about you too, and be a manly groom while you’re at it.
Avoid the Word “Bridal”
I’m not saying never say “bridal” but be very careful about it. The word “bridal” means of or pertaining to a bride. It is not a synonym for “wedding.” Every time someone says “bridal” for things that aren’t exclusively about the bride, it sends the message that the groom is irrelevant. If you’re considering hiring someone who’s liberal with the word, pass them over.
It’s Your Day Too
No matter what point in the process your at, never allow your opinion to be ignored. Of course, I’m not saying your bride’s opinion should be ignored either, but you should get your say. There are some decisions that are yours, some are your brides, and some are shared, but both of your opinions should be considered in all of them.
Skip the Groom’s Cake
Some men try to get themselves back into their weddings with things like groom cakes, but that’s not likely to work. It seems like the bride made a gesture by allowing you to express yourself in some little way. It’s then obvious that everything else is just about the bride. There is a much better way to keep yourself in the wedding, but you’ll have to read to the end to find out what it is.
Keep the Men Out of the Bridal Shower
Notice I said Bridal shower. This is one part of the wedding that should be entirely about the bride. Some people think “couple’s showers” should be a thing. They’re wrong. I don’t know if they think it’s the solution to the unfairness of brides getting two prewedding parties or a good way to get men to be more involved in their weddings. Really it’s just another example of forcing men to become more feminine.
Veto the Bachelorette Party
The bachelorette party is the epitome of women trying to be men. Some time after boorish bachelor parties became the norm, the bachelorette party became common. Even worse, it’s become common for women to want bachelorette parties yet veto bachelor parties. If you stay out of the bridal shower it’ll give her the chance to have a classy party with just her friends.
Keep the Bachelor Party Classy
When most people think of bachelor parties, the first thing that comes to mind is a night filled with debauchery, but there’s a better option. A bachelor party that’s built around enjoying the company of your friends will inevitably be more manly and your bride will have nothing to object to. Your bachelor party should be about celebrating your impending nuptials, not having “one last night of freedom” especially since you’re, if anything, more free after you’re married.
Put Tradition Before Fashion
There’s nothing wrong with having trendy touches in your wedding, but it is more feminine. Men tend to be more concerned about legacy and tradition than women are, so being traditional tends to be seen as more manly. The best thing, is that wedding traditions are still quite feminine so insisting on a more traditional wedding isn’t going to push your bride on to the sidelines.
It’s impossible to make an event about you if nobody realises you’re around. Your bride is going to be extremely visible in her beautiful white dress, so you need to be front and centre too. Be sure to dress differently than the guests, so you don’t too easily blend in. That’s part of why I think casual weddings are a terrible idea, you can’t stand out if you’re dressing below where many men would be comfortable. Mingle, dance, do whatever it takes for people to see you as the centre of the day, alongside your bride.
As promised, here’s the best way to keep yourself in the wedding, non-negotiables. You need to pick some points on which you’re completely unwilling to compromise. Be sure to choose things that are extremely important to you, like family traditions. Don’t choose a tacky theme and make it a non-negotiable. Your bride deserves her non-negotiables as well, and you need to respect that. If they become an issue, then that may be a bad sign for your marriage.
I have one non-negotiable for any event to be about me. I expect the maximum appropriate level of formality for the type of event.