Be a Man, Be a Stoic

Stoicism was a popular philosophy in the Victorian era. It was even the basis for the prevailing honour codes of the time. In the simplest terms, stoicism is soldiering on and maintaining a calm demeanour as much as possible, the quintessential British “stiff upper lip.” Doesn’t that sound manly, facing challenges head on and being ruled by logic rather than emotion? In case that wasn’t enough I’m going to be making some more arguments for embracing stoicism. 

Emotion Feeds Emotion

When one person expresses emotion others react to it. If you yell in anger, others get angry. If you cry, other become sad. Before long everyone becomes extremely emotional. When emotion takes over, a whole plethora of problems appears. 

Emotion Impairs Logic

We’ve all made bad decisions because we were upset. It’s how the human mind works. The more emotional we are, the more important emotions seem to be. Not only that, emotion clouds the mind so nothing shines through and you can only think about whatever inspired the emotion. 

Emotion Blocks Communication

Have you ever been calmly discussing something, until someone starts yelling and suddenly it’s a fight? I’m guessing you have. When emotions boil over, advice becomes demands, observations become insults, and communication breaks down. All you can do anymore is hurt feelings. 

Good Leaders Stay Calm

What’s the most terrifying thing that can happen on a plane? Weird noises from the engines? Turbulence? Smoke in the cabin? No. It’s panicking flight attendants. Why is that so terrifying? The flight attendants only panic when there’s genuine danger. Calm flight attendants means there’s no real danger. Followers always look to their leaders for guidance, stay calm will allow a leader to make wise decisions and make it easier for the followers to stay calm as well.  Virtually all men will eventually become leaders, like when they become husbands and fathers.

Stoicism Can Make Unpleasant Situations Palatable

Sometimes you find yourself in a situation you can’t change, like a hot summer day. If you let your emotions get the better of you, you’ll just make yourself and everyone around you miserable. A mildly unpleasant situation just becomes progressively worse and you’re blind to the good points. If you soldier on it can even become a point of pride that you were able to keep your composure and face the hardship with dignity. I often get headaches on sunny days, but I never hide in a corner and complain, instead I soldier on. 

The Rightful Successor to Children Being “Seen and Not Heard”

Drawing of children reading.Whether we’ve read Anne of Green Gables or we’ve been told about it by our parents or grandparents, we’ve all heard about the old parenting philosophy that children should be seen and not heard. It’s certainly a bit stifling but with the newer ideas we’ve kind of thrown the baby out instead of the bathwater. Like all traditional ideas, it has its merit, even if it’s not the optimal approach.

The Virtues of “Seen and Not Heard”

Whenever you’re considering whether an abandoned idea should be readopted, adapted, or forgotten, you must consider why it was created in the first place. Anyone who’s spent time with children know that they can be quite rambunctious and noisy, which would be very disruptive to the adults who are trying to have a conversation. It’s also easy to become unconcerned with children’s happiness when you have ten of them and there’s a good chance several of them won’t live to adulthood. However its best point is that it teaches boys the stoicism and girls the poise they should have as adults. 

Our Current Ideas

We seem to have adopted the belief that children are some sort of miniature master race. We cater to them and even use disciplinary philosophies that can never be replaced by something more mature, like an honour system. So often parents refuse to punish their children or even deny their wishes. We coddle our children and risk them growing up to believe the world revolves around them, literally and metaphorically. We’ll even reject academic standards to protect their self esteem, something I may have found a solution to. We teach them etiquette that either puts them first or denies them the right to agency, rarely anywhere in between.

The Rightful Successor

So if the old ideas are wrong and the new ideas are wrong, then what should we do? We need to find the balance. We need to adapt adult etiquette to children’s nature. We should teach children to respect the use of all spaces at all times. They can make plenty of noise wherever they’re expected to play but seen and not heard stands where the adults are having a conversation. Every time we’re considering a parenting decision we should ask ourselves “would a child need to reject this lesson to become a healthy adult?” If they will, then it’s the wrong decision. We should adapt but never contradict adult etiquette, and put reality ahead of identity or self esteem. 

Why a Man Can’t Be a “Feminist”

If you’ll recall, when I started this blog I defined a man, but I didn’t really discuss his position on women’s rights. He does support it, but not feminism, because modern feminism couldn’t be further from women’s rights.

Feminists Don’t Argue Logically 

They have a tendency to resort to logical fallacies like straw man arguments. I’ve actually heard of feminists claiming chivalry is sexist because a chivalrous man would open a door for a woman though he’s going a different way and not open a door for a man, when in reality he’d open the door for either when, and only when, he’s going through as well. The only exceptions are when special etiquette applies, such as when he’s on a date. 

In fact, feminists’ arguments are all predicated on their ideology being true, including patriarchy being inherently oppressive and responsible for all violence perpetrated by males against females. 

Feminists Are Misogynists

The feminist ideal is really to turn all women into men, which is the epitome of misogyny. Just take their fashion standards. They encourage women to wear jeans and shorts in place of skirts and pant suits, which should never be worn. They seem to think women shouldn’t even look like women.

Feminists Endorse Unhealthy Gender Dynamics

Without established gender roles couples inevitably struggle to establish the power dynamic of their relationship. The problem is, you can’t have a democracy of two. If you can’t come to unanimous decision you find yourself in a stalemate. That means someone must be in charge. If you don’t establish a leader in advance then whoever cries the loudest or is more Machiavellian ends up in charge. The feminist idea of universal gender equality tries to force democracy in a situation where it can never work. 

Feminists Deny the Relationship Between Rights and Responsibilities

All rights come with some form of responsibilities. The right to vote comes with the responsibility to educate oneself. The right to police protection comes with the responsibility to follow the law. The right to romantic love comes with the responsibility to love one’s significant other. The right to be a mother comes with the responsibility to be a mom. Feminists seem to think they have the right to get married and have kids and then emasculate their husbands and ignore their kids. 

Feminists Oppose Choice

I can’t even count the number of times I’ve heard of women hating feminism because it’s been responsible for being a housewife becoming a luxury. Feminists only fight for women to be able to live a man’s life, not to be able to choose the life they want. 

Feminism Causes Collateral Damage

I won’t try to list all the indirect harm feminism has done but it’s been blamed for everything from rising unemployment and falling standards of living to pollution and rising crime rates. Feminism clearly does more harm than good when you consider all its indirect effects. 

Feminism Has Fixed Nothing

None of the changes feminism has brought about have solved any of the world’s problems. Women had a political voice before they could vote, they used to have better options, and they used to have respect. Female feminists tend to play the victim for their own selfish gain, and no man can support that. It’s debatable whether or not any of the problems feminism supposedly addressed ever existed, and if they even would’ve been problems.

Feminists Don’t Understand Consent

Feminists seem to think that every time a woman has sex without explicitly saying yes, she’s been raped. That’s not how consent works. Consent is about deviation from the assumed. Whether it’s an established norm or the natural result of what’s currently happening, consent is required to do otherwise. Rape only occurs when she has the right to say no, which is pretty much always, and is denied the opportunity to or is ignored when she does. 

Feminists Oppose Morality

Feminists were central to the sexual revolution, and the main thing that came out of that is promiscuity. Sexual irresponsibility become acceptable and now STDs and unplanned pregnancy are rampant. It’s even to the point that people are encouraging children to get vaccinated against them, children who are still to young to even be considering sex. Parents are actually being encouraged to assume their children will be sluts. 

Feminism Creates Animosity

There’s no escaping the fact that feminists hate men. They even call manliness “toxic masculinity” and encourage us to be more feminine. They try to convince us that we should feel guilty because we’re justly treated differently because they don’t want to be. Virtually everything they say is about how evil men are and we hate them for it. Everyone who doesn’t agree with them hates them because you can’t love someone who insists on forcing their ideas on you without even putting a moment’s thought into them. Although, we might be more tolerant of them if they didn’t brand their opponents as “sexist,” “misogynistic,” or “chauvinistic” even when they have the utmost respect for women.

Feminists are Hypocrites

Virtually everything they claim to be sexist when it benefits men, they applaud when it benefits women. They say it’s wonderful when a woman’s gender is mentioned in a positive comment and sexist when it’s negative, even when they’re completely objective. They demonise men for refusing a romantic relationship with a physically unattractive woman but see it as a woman’s right to reject a poor man. They nearly always expect women to get their way while men have to fall in line, with the feminist agenda. They only time the don’t fight for women to get preferential treatment is when they don’t want to follow the feminist dogma. 

Equal Rights Are Not Same Rights

Equal rights is the belief that different groups equally deserve rights, same rights is the belief that they deserve the same rights. Equal rights is obviously valid, but same rights for women has no support. Men and women are different in some very significant ways, including physiology and personality, which means differ rights. 

Feminists seem to believe that rights only exist if feminists want them. They don’t even acknowledge that men should have different rights and most women want different rights. Feminists want everything positive  men have, even if they have to take everything away from everyone else.

Feminists Think Sexism Works Like Racism

There are two important differences between race and gender relations; races have fewer differences than genders do, and races don’t need to coexist. I’m by no means opposing the peaceful coexistence of races but no harm would come of it if we didn’t try. The sexes, on their other hand, must coexist. If we don’t, the human race will be extinct within a little more than a century. Coexistence means cooperation, cooperation mean finding our places, finding our places means roles, and roles mean different treatment. The different treatment that feminists brand as “sexism” isn’t in any way. In fact, actual sexism, that is discrimination on the basis of disdain for one sex, has been the almost exclusive domain of feminists and those that seek to avoid angering them. 

Is the Modern Honour Code a Villains’ Code?

Josef Stalin, one of history’s most brutal dictators.


When you look at the world and see how so many seem to be rewriting morality to justify their own wrongdoing you likely wonder what happened to honour. I propose that honour is as strong as ever but the currently prevailing honour code doesn’t enforce virtue but rather encourages villainy. 

What is an Honour Code?

Obviously, I need to be clear on what I mean by “honour code” and that first requires me to define honour. So, what is honour? Honour is a system of enforcing behaviour by praising those who do right and shaming those who do wrong. An honour code is the often unspoken rules that an honour system is trying to enforce. Any rules can be included in an honour code, even requiring evil, but most have been based around genuine virtue. 

The Liberty Movement

I’ve talked about the liberty movement before, and it can be summarised as our transition to a worldview where personal freedom is seen as the ultimate right. The same people who criticise those who call out wrongdoers criticise those who choose to follow tradition. Apparently they support the right to deviate, not the right to choose. 

Tolerance as a Virtue

Tolerance is a good idea but it becomes a problem when it’s elevated to a virtue. First off, tolerance can easily be taken too far. At some point we have to say “who you are or what you do is wrong, so you don’t deserve to be treated like us.” We just need to make sure we reserve that for the evil and legitimately mentally ill. 

Second, those who see themselves as tolerant are usually among the least tolerant. They have no tolerance for difference of opinion. If you disagree with them they label you with what they consider to be the greatest evil imaginable, intolerance. What’s really crazy is that they call it tolerance to force certain beliefs on people but intolerant to even exercise others. 

Slut Shaming

Here’s an example of tolerance gone too far. What is slut shaming? It’s making someone feel bad for being a slut. What’s a slut? She’s  woman who’s promiscuous. What’s promiscuity? It’s excessive sexual activity. Wouldn’t that make slut shaming admirable? Yes it would, but instead a term was invented so they could call it a crime, because it’s wrong to call out someone on their wrongdoings. Oh look, more hypocrisy. Someone seems to be trying to remove all the consequences of sexual irresponsibility, even though that could make healthy sexuality impossible. 

Wage Slavery

If you’ve never heard the term, wage slavery is when an exploitative labour relationship is enforced by the threat of poverty, not unlike the threat of violence that enforced historical slavery. Wage slavery is the norm in the developed world and most people have been brainwashed to believe it’s fair. How could it be? The majority are forced to structure their entire lives around the wishes of a minority, regardless of the sacrifices that requires. On top of that, we’re forced to jump through hoops for the privilege. Whenever someone speaks out against it, their labelled as lazy and told it’s “an honest day’s pay for an honest day’s work.” Really, we should live a little more by the Marxist slogan;

From each according to his means, to each according to his needs.

Opposition to Chivalry

Chivalry developed from the honour codes of medieval knights and encouraged them to keep the best interests of everyone at heart. The elements of those honour codes that have remained relevant have become modern chivalry. 

Some “feminists” now claim that chivalry is sexist. Apparently women deserve to be treated badly, or maybe they’re just bitter and want every woman to feel as worthless as they do. 

Conclusion

So do these elements make the prevalent modern honour code a villain’s code? Let’s review;

  • Freedom as the ultimate right? Villainous
  • Tolerance as a virtue? Villainous
  • Slut shaming seen as wrongdoing? Villainous
  • Wage slavery? Villainous
  • Opposition to chivalry? Villainous

Since every honour code has positive elements in it, the presence of villainous standards makes the whole code villainous. So, reject the prevailing honour code in favour of a more traditionalist code, and be sure to find an honour group that shares it. 

Food: One of the Greatest Joys of a Man’s Life

Illustration of a man joining his wife at the breakfast table. You may have noticed that I have a tendency to write about food and drink. This may seem like an obsession or the result of gluttony, but it’s not. The truth is I see food the way most men should; one of the great joys of life, and here’s why. 

Food Ties Us Together

Across cultures, nations, religions, genders, ideologies, and every other distinction, one thing we all have in common is the need for food. We all eat. Some of us eat too much and others don’t eat enough. Some of us subsist on meat and others eat none. No matter where you come from or what kind of life you live you still need to eat frequently. Food lets us experience other cultures. It brings us together and stimulates discussion.

Food is Expression

When you cook , you have the opportunity to explore your own tastes. When you serve a meal, you have the opportunity to create beauty in the mundane. When you feed those most dear to you, you’re expressing your love for them. Food allows us to step into the world of profane sensuality without taking our eyes off the divine. 


Now it’s time to enjoy the wonder that is food, and maybe get some cool food delivery equipment

Grow Up: You’re Not Twelve Anymore 

Maturity seems to be something the modern male resists, not that modern women exactly fight for it. It’s like every generation since the fall of the Third Reich has been waging war on maturation. Up to that point Men accepted maturity. They embraced the life changes that went with it. They knew that a mature life is far more pleasant than childishness. 

When you’re twelve years old your life is fun but shallow. Your biggest worry is that the cute girl you like won’t want to go to the dance with you. I suppose that’s why people don’t want to grow up. Life is easy when you’re young, but when try to prevent your own maturation you only block the benefits. You can never escape the responsibilities indefinitely. What you end up is the worst of both worlds, the emptiness of youth and the hardship of adulthood. 

This problem hit me a few weeks ago when I realised that many people now dress down for church. It used to be the expectation that every man wear a suit and tie to church. I can understand how one can argue that eliminating that expectation was good, but things have gone too far. Wearing street clothes to church has become common and many don’t even rise beyond casual for Easter. Part of maturity is knowing how to be respectful and part of being respectful is knowing when to dress up. 

Being a kid was fun, and if you still are one enjoy it while you can (and please stay away from my more mature topics, but it’s a time we can never go back to. It’s time we give up childish ways. It’s time to replace chaotic amusement with stimulation of the mind. It’s time to build relationships and enjoy the beauty that’s all around us. If you’re mature enough to handle debauchery, you’re too mature to want it. The greatest thing a guy can be is a man and the greatest thing a woman can be is a lady, but they both require maturity. Let’s end the downward spiral and finally embrace maturity. Maybe someday we’ll achieve a first in all history, universal maturity among adults. 

Escape the Isolation of Modern Connection

We’ve ended up in a weird situation. We’re more connected than ever before yet we’ve become more isolated. We don’t share our troubles anymore because all we can expect to get back are empty platitudes. Why is that, and what can we do about it?

We’ve Traded Depth of Relationships for Breadth

Studies have suggested that we can only maintain a limited number of relationships without formal structure.1 The exact number has been debated but consensus and anecdotal evidence imply that it’s far below the thousands of friends that seems to be people’s goal on social media. “Dunbar’s number,” as it’s commonly called in academic circles, is about what used to be people’s “inner circle,” the group of people we tended to get to know quite well. With the advent of social media, we’ve largely lost our inner circles and only have “outer circles,” the people we interact with regularly but never get to know on any meaningful level. We need that distinction to properly budget the time and energy needed to build and maintain relationships. 

Anonymity Breeds Incivility

This one doesn’t need any studies to support it. We’ve all seen the internet comment sections that start with benign trivialities and general immaturity then quickly devolve into irrelevant personal attacks, unfounded accusations, and ultimately unrelated hate speech. Now, why do people act like this? The anonymity insulates them from the consequences. The forum has become more public than ever but the audience comes from outside our own communities and we’re welcome to wear masks. 

It’s like a Canadian donning a disguise and going to Speakers’ Corner in London’s Hyde Park. He can say whatever he wants and avoid any consequence. As soon as he takes off his disguise and goes home nobody even knows he said anything.

Extreme Views Get Equal Attention

Without the filter that’s created by risking one’s reputation, the extreme views come out en masse. There’s now no reason not to openly support injustice, since you’ll be able to go on as though nothing was ever said. 

Much of the Message is Lost

Many people believe that 93% of communication is non-verbal. This isn’t actually true but it brings up a good point, our words are only part of our message. In some cases, non-verbal communication is even crucial. Consider these examples;

Example 1:

I go to my local mechanic hoping to have him fix a problem that’s beyond my abilities. He asks what kind of car it is. I reply, “2004 Mini Cooper.”

In this case, all the information he needs is conveyed by my words. 

Example 2:

A guy approaches a woman in a bar and greets her. She replies, “Hi.”

In this case, her words carry almost none of the message. She may want him to leave her alone or, if she’s not the sharpest tool in the shed, she may have just decided to marry this stranger. Most likely her message is somewhere in between. 

Conclusion

I’ve presented how modern communication isolates but not yet what to do about. The first thing is to prioritise face-to-face interactions where it’ll be easier to build deeper relationships. Second, don’t put any stock in anything you find online, unless it seems a real person’s reputation is staked on it, it’s well sourced, or based in logic. 


1. Dunbar, R. I. M. (1992). “Neocortex size as a constraint on group size in primates”. Journal of Human Evolution. 22 (6): 469–493. doi:10.1016/0047-2484(92)90081-J.